Hello, Matworld!

I was in a different dan-tan recently…

Where?

…and it was just a typical dan-tan. So cool…

So cool… [laughs] But he’s not going to tell us where it was. It was too cool.

I’ve seen some amazing downtowns in America. I’m very well traveled.

I’m sorry, downtown? I’m not familiar. Do you mean dan-tans?

Dan-tans.

Thank you.

Yeah. So I’ve visited lots of them. And there’s some really lovely ones in Colorado. This is like proper olden days.

Oh, yeah.

Probably all across the country.

That’s right.

Where you feel like you’re in a Western film.

Break that down for me, when you say “proper” and then “olden days”. What does that mean?

Oh, it just means like for real olden days.

Like the Wild West movies that you’ve seen.

Just break it down. Break it down, though.

Right. So you’ve got like –

All the way.

There’s basically like a lot of dusty area, wooden buildings, wooden building saloon doors…

Fine dust.

…there’s a guy in there chewing tobacco… Yeah.

Did you see any of those – what do you call those things?

Tumbleweed?

Tumbleweeds, yeah. Not dust bunnies, but tumbleweeds.

Just rolling through…

Yeah. Well, I get a lot of them in my normal life as well.

Really?

Yeah. Just after a joke, or a witty remark, sometimes I’ll do a little rhyme, a little comment, something, and then, you know, just silence for a bit. You can hear it blow past. But it adds to the effect.

I’m thinking about crickets…

Yeah. Same. Same thing.

Tumbleweeds and crickets?

If you make a joke and no one laughs, if you listen carefully, you can hear a game of cricket being played.

Okay…

One of those rare things, yeah…

I would never play cricket.

No.

No. See, now - here again is a misfire, because I was talking about crickets, which is what you hear when you tell a joke when nobody laughs. Silence.

Where’d you go, Mat? Where did you visit here in the States? The state of Colorado?

Oh, yeah. Well, I lived there. I used to live there, in Denver and in Boulder.

Boulder?

Yeah, Colorado.

Say Boulder. How do you say Boulder?

Well, I say Boulder.

Say it again.

Boulder.

Can you say Boulder dash?

I can say Boulder dash, but I can’t say –

It sounds cooler when you say it.

I don’t think so. To me, you’re the cool ones.

That’s why I think we have a friendship, because we sound cool to you, and you sound cool to us… And it kind of just makes up for our overall lack of coolness.

Yeah. I mean, if you sounded like me, I just wouldn’t like you, you know? [laughter]

Yeah. But Adam, I can’t believe someone exists who talks like you at all. That’s a thrill for me. Imagine that. It’s like being in a movie.

It’s awesome, Adam.

I guess so…

What is it about his voice? Is it the mellifluous sounds? Is it the words he’s using, or the combination?

Yeah, it’s just the whole sort of package, really.

He is the entire package.

Yeah.

The whole package.

Yeah, [unintelligible 00:05:45.04]

Yeah. I love that. Well, ditto, Mat. I mean, I think if we had a world where your voice didn’t exist, it would not be Mat’s world.

No. My world, my voice.

We’re getting ahead of ourselves, or perhaps we’re trying to get ahead of ourselves… Because perhaps a world where Jerod’s in charge, Mat’s voice also wouldn’t exist. Let’s not reveal any spoilers. Mat, you brought a strange idea to us today…

Yeah, thank you.

Actually, you didn’t bring it to us today, but you brought it for today.

Sure did…

Which is what? What’s this idea…

“I’m coming over. Here’s some toys.”

…and how did you come up with it? And why are we agreeing to it?

Well, the why-ing we’re agreeing, that’s on you. And I do think why-ing should be a word.

I do whine a lot.

But you can’t just make up words like that, can you? People look at you strangely, or there’s a tumbleweed, or something…

I’m down with it. Let’s introduce it. Why-ing. What does it break down to mean? Is it like when you’re thinking about something, that’s the process of why-ing? You’re thinking about why it should or should not be a thing?

You’re why-ing it. You’re trying to figure it out.

Yeah, why is that? Yeah, you’re why-ing it.

It’s kind of like how-ing. Sometimes you how something… Other times you why it. So you’re why-ing, or you’re how-ing… Sometimes you’re who-ing…

Well, if I owned the world, I’d be able to just make these new words anything I like. If someone’s eating a sausage, I could say, “Yeah, sausage!” I could make that socially normal in this world.

[laughs] That one’s not that weird.

No, it’s not. It doesn’t have to be weird, it’s just what I like.

Tell me that’s a throwback to your time in Germany.

Oh, yeah, Berlin, when they were all calling you bad names.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I love Berlin.

Isn’t it because [unintelligible 00:07:35.16] though? Wasn’t there something involved with sausage?

Yeah. He said, “Yeah, sausage”, and they said… What did they say, Mat?

They’re like “Oh, we don’t really – we don’t want to just be associated with that. We’ve got a lot going on also.” So yeah, that’s fair enough.

Didn’t some lady call you a donka?

Yeah, everyone was saying like “Danke, danke, danke.” But originally, I thought they were calling me names… But I didn’t know that – that just means thank you.

It does. Probably for leaving. Probably thanking you for leaving.

Well, they’re a lot more polite than I’d originally experienced.

Oh, my gosh… The sausage bit. The sausage bit. Well, if you’re not tracking, you should go back in time and listen to past shows… We can’t catch up, I’m sorry.

[00:08:18.12] Yeah, that’s just a callback that’s just too deep in the stack…

It is a deep cut.

You’re going to overflow. Mat, there’s a strange dichotomy with British people, and you’re my best example, because I know you probably better than any British person… And that’s this politeness juxtaposed with tomfoolery, or like just calling names and being mean. So what’s up with that? It’s like there’s like a polite society aspect, and a properness, and there’s also like this underhanded “I’m going to call you a name, and you’re not going to realize it’s a bad word.”

Yes. Well, I think what’s really going on is – there is the politeness thing, where if you bump into somebody in the street, you say sorry, even if they’ve bumped into you. But it’s not in the same way that you might say sorry in other places, where you’re sort of taking responsibility. You’re not.

You’re not.

Everyone knows it was their fault. Now, they have to also say sorry, and then everything’s okay. Just socially. It’s the social rule.

So sorry might mean like “It’s your fault, and we both know it.”

Yeah. It’s like “Oh, sorry”, but it’s almost like a polite way of just acknowledging something’s happened that shouldn’t have happened, and you both say it, and then everything’s okay. And then you haven’t really had to assign blame, or anything. You can kind of just sweep it under the carpet.

Yeah.

But if the second person doesn’t say they’re sorry back, and it was their fault, that’s the worst thing that can happen on the street. Or one of…

So them’s just fighting words; fighting non-words.

Kind of, yeah. Although in London people are from everywhere, so you can never really assume… But if it’s a British person that bumps into you and then you say “Oh, sorry”, and then they don’t say sorry, they just look at you or just carry on with their lives… They’ve crossed the line.

You assume they’re a tourist then, maybe.

Yeah, maybe.

Maybe those folks are tourists, and everyone else is Brits, and those are the people that say…

Yeah. Although in London everyone’s from everywhere, so it’s kind of like…

You can’t be from everywhere. You have to be from one place, generally.

You just walk around being upset then, basically?

You just sort of get on with it, don’t you? But then there’s the banter side, where you basically try and be… It’s a way of making friends as you’re sort of mean to strangers sometimes.

And friends too, right?

Oh, definitely.

More mean to your friends than you are to strangers.

Yeah. Yeah.

Which explains why you’re not very nice to me very often. I take it as a compliment, sir.

Yeah, you should do. But you have American friends that are just always just nice to you, and just say nice things like “Oh, neat hat, Jerod.” Stuff like that.

I mean, I prefer it… But you know, those people are hard to find. [laughter]

Oh, neat hat…

“Neat hat, Jerod…”

Neat hat, Jerod.

Thank you, sir.

I like the word proper, in places – I assume it’s in the place of a word like good, or “I’m going to get something nice”, or the best…

It’s like real. If it’s proper.

Yeah. Authentic.

Imagine there’s like a traditional way of making something. Yeah, it’s authentic. And someone makes it that authentic way, you’d be like “Oh, that’s a proper drink.” Or someone will sometimes come out with a cup of tea that they’ve made, and it’s horrible, because it’s too strong, and they go “That’s a proper cup of tea. Go on, get that down you. Get that down you.”

What do you say when it’s not good?

No, they just say it’s proper, but they say it in a way that you know they mean the opposite. It’s like the sorry thing. And then you say “Donka.” [laughter]

So would you guys like to come to Mat World?

Oh, yes. I’m sorry. That was a proper sidetracking. We sidetracked you… Back to Mat World. This is a world in which you decide, or – what do you decide, Mat? What happens…

[00:12:09.07] Yeah. So I’m going to take you to Mat World, and it’s basically a place that I’ve just sort of designed. It’s my planet. I get to choose what it’s like there. There’s going to be interesting places, there’s going to be some interesting food and drink to explore… And then maybe a new gadget, a new rule for society… And then something that you would just – you’d just like to be a little bit different. Maybe it’s like this world, but you would like it to be slightly tweaked. What would you do?

Gotcha.

Yeah.

Okay, so this is the idea here. Of course, we have Jerod’s world and Adam’s world waiting in the wings…

[unintelligible 00:12:47.04] visiting.

But this is Mat’s idea, and you are our guest, so…

You go first.

Take us to Mat world. What is this place like, Mat world?

Let’s go. Let’s go, get in your rocket, put your seatbelts on… We’re going to take off now. And in the unlikely event of an emergency, I want you to sort out your own masks first. That’s very important. Don’t be helping someone else. Oxygen mask. Okay? Don’t try and help anyone else.

Oh, I thought we had to sort our masks, like we had more than one of them and we were going to sort them by size, or something.

Oh, I see. Yeah, this is the British – sorry, I’ll do the American version after. Yeah. If you’re feeling unwell, there’s a tiny little bag in the seat in front of you, in the seat pocket in front of you… So if you could please use that. It’s really tiny though, so don’t do any big – you know what I mean…?

Just a little [unintelligible 00:13:39.09]

Yeah, just do a little one.

It sounds like Wayne’s World. Remember that? If you’re going to spew, spew into this.

Oh, yeah. That guy designed a lot of our hospitality on board the rockets to Mat World. Yeah, because it’s a kind of funny world. It’s kind of silly, isn’t it? It’s going to be my world.

Yeah.

I hope you enjoy your time with us. Remember to please visit the dungeon for over-engineers. This is a place where if you over-engineer things and make loads of complexity where it’s not needed, you go in this dungeon. It’s a simple thing. Harsh, but fair, I think. You have to build an MVP before you’re legally allowed to build anything more complicated, otherwise you might not be able to build MVPs… And that’s why we have the dungeon of over-engineers. Any questions about this place?

How do you get out?

You just have to build something really simple. But good.

Oh. Like a fizzbuzz, or…?

You can do. You can try.

Hello World.

I don’t know about Hello World…

[laughs] Well, does it get any simpler than that?

Hello Mat World you could do.

Hello Mat World. I like that one. Okay, so dungeon for over-engineers, and really small puke bags in the –

Yeah, but that’s not part of the world.

Oh, I’m sorry.

That’s just in case anyone’s feeling unwell on the flight.

Gotcha.

When you get to Mat World, please, please do not forget to sample the delights of clever coffee. You play podcasts into the beans as they’re growing, and then when you brew the coffee, that information actually can get into you, into your body.

Oh, wow. Like osmosis.

Kind of like that, yeah, but through coffee. And yeah, you just sort of get the knowledge. So that’s really cool. You’d be like “Oh, I want to learn about politics. I’ll drink some politics coffee”, or maybe the Peruvian coffee, you can learn about Machu Picchu, or something…

Oh, my gosh… [laughs]

Maybe that’s the place. Yeah, maybe. Would you like a cup? What would you have in your coffee? And wouldn’t you like that? You could just have a coffee, and you’d get your API docs in your brain…

It sounds kind of amazing, actually.

I’m digging it.

I’m wondering about how diluted it might be… Because you’re really just passing water through the beans. Maybe if you actually ate the coffee beans, you would just become all-knowing.

Yeah. I think it’s just like caffeine, though. It only lasts that long.

Oh, it goes away.

[00:16:10.12] Yeah… You forget it.

Not as cool now. Nowhere near as cool. So you just drink it for your morning like coding session, and you just like know the Stripe API inside out, for instance, if you’re drinking Stripe’s coffee.

Yeah.

And then you lose it later in the day.

You lose it. It wears off. Yeah, but you might be like “Oh, I’m going to write a Grafana dashboard. How do I do that? Let me drink the Grafana brew.” And then you’ve got that, you’ve downloaded – “Oh, I’ve downloaded the wrong bit.”

Is this an advertisement?

He’s sneaking it in.

No, no, no. I’m just giving an example. It’s another example.

Gosh…

No, this coffee doesn’t exist. It’s not an advert. It’s not a real advert.

Oh. It’s not for sale.

You can’t play podcasts into the coffee beans and then that information goes into the beans, as far as I know.

Okay…

Now, what if you played this podcast right here that we’re recording into the coffee beans, and then drank the coffee? What would you know afterwards?

This entire – everything we talk about in this.

[laughs] Some high-quality coffee…

Yeah. When you order them, I think, you choose the audio –

We call that proper coffee.

That would be proper.

Proper. Yeah.

Okay, so clever coffee… This is your best beverage.

That’s the best beverage.

What else you got?

Well, while you’re here, please, please try, if you can, the falafel wraps. They’re lovely. There’s nothing special about them. Just love a falafel wrap.

You have complete creative freedom to come up with anything that you want…

You can’t beat it though.

…and you just go with a falafel.

The only way I think you could beat a falafel wrap is if you had a headache and you made the falafel wrap also take away headaches.

Well, why didn’t you do that then? I mean, you can do whatever you want here, Mat. It’s Mat World.

Yeah, because I don’t have a headache.

Okay.

Yeah. And plus, there’s going to be more regulations with that sort of food, isn’t there? So I can’t be bothered with that.

What about the clever coffee? I think they’d probably regulate that. Wouldn’t they?

[laughs] Yeah, they’d try. But we’re outsmarted them, because we listened – we’ve had a cup of business strategy.

And what if you’re drinking like the business brew, so to speak, and you get a comedic latte instead? You learn about comedy versus business.

You get a legal flat white, and then you’ve got yourself armed to the teeth, really, to represent yourself in court.

You have to have – what do they call those…? Those builds. Deterministic builds? No, not deterministic. Where you know the build, end to end.

Reproducible.

Reproducible builds. You have to be able to reproduce the fact that – you’ve got to document what knowledge went into this coffee, so that I’m not drinking some of your politics. I just want to drink some business brew.

Yeah, there we go. There’s that whole –

Don’t be slippin’ no proper politics up in here.

No, that’s it. That was – there was that big scandal where they were worried about that, because everyone just suddenly got into wearing mullets again, and they were worried that someone had spiked the clever coffee. They look lovely, but –

I’ve been waiting for an explanation for this…

Yeah, that’s what’s [unintelligible 00:19:19.29]

That is plausible.

Sneaking it in. That’s how you’ve gotta do it right there. Microdosing.

Microdosing the mullet coffee.

That’s what it’s all about.

Now, is it a podcast about mullets though? So first you have to find a podcast about mullets, and you turn that into the coffee, and then people grow mullets.

They’re doing fade mullets now. We have like really high hair, a fade, and then it fades into a mullet off the back.

Yeah, it’s a good idea.

Perms are back, too. Boy perms.

Yeah. Those spiky fade mullets.

Keep going, Mat. What else you got?

Well, I’d love to show you – well, if you want to come into my house and have a sit down, notice that the sofa doesn’t have any legs. It’s just floating. You’re welcome.

[00:20:01.14] [laughs]

No, don’t be scared. It’s perfectly fine. Sit on it. It moves a bit more than normal. But sit down. That’s not even it.

So when you sit down on the sofa it kind of moves a little bit?

Well, it does. It doesn’t have any legs.

Is it hovering, or…?

Yeah, it’s hovering. But it moves when you sit on it. It’s like suspension, because –

Is there any way to make it not move? Like a lock?

The more expensive ones are more sturdy.

Is it loud? Is it displacing air underneath it?

No, it doesn’t stand there. It just floats.

Alright. Awesome.

Yeah.

Levitates. Then we’d call it levitating, actually.

What’s the difference between levitating and floating?

That’s a great question…

Is that a great question?

Yeah, that is a great question.

[unintelligible 00:20:44.23] that question is, honestly.

Never thought about that. If you’re floating…

I think it’s two different words that mean essentially the same thing.

Yeah, but there’s got to be something different…

I think floating might be the act of like being a certain weight, and that there’s neither pull nor push when gravity is concerned. But when you’re levitating, you’re resisting gravity, staying in the same position.

Yeah. So if it’s density then, if you’re less dense, you float. That’s floating.

Yeah. Because you’re floating, you’re buoyant with gravity.

Right. But if you are magically, or some other means, lifting yourself up… Okay. There we go.

Okay. So that’s what your – your sofa levitates, which is the reason for the movement.

Yeah, they just move a little bit when you sit down, and I’m just saying, don’t be scared when you sit down. This isn’t even my main gadget. I want to tell you about this new gadget.

I’m going into the details here. This levitating couch is – stop the press.

Yeah, yeah. But it’s good. Imagine big magnets.

Go. I’m ready. I want more. Give me the rest.

So I might’ve talked about this before, but it’s coming back… Nightrider, or Sleepy Car, I call it. It’s essentially you – it’s like a [unintelligible 00:21:59.06] You can fall asleep in a car, and it’s a self-driving car… So if you wanted to go – what’s a place that’s like eight hours away from where you live, Jerod?

Denver.

Denver. So you want to go to Denver for the day. It’s a pain to do that now. But with [unintelligible 00:22:16.24] vehicle you can get in the car, it will drive you there while you sleep, you then wake up, you’re in Denver for the day… You go back to bed in the car, it drives you back. So as far as you’re concerned, you’ve just slept in a car - or slightly better than a car - but you’ve teleported, essentially. You have a day where you are now, and then the next day in Denver, the day after that back where you are now.

Yeah, I think teleporting might be a stretch. I mean, you’re sleeping the whole time, right?

You’re sleeping, but it’s close to teleporting, isn’t it? Because unless you’re conscious of where you are every time while you’re asleep… I’m certainly not. I don’t even know I’m still in the bedroom.

I’m kind of appreciating how much Mat undershot on these. They’re understated. He had a complete freedom to do whatever he wants. He comes with the falafels, and full self-driving, basically. This is a really good Waymo, isn’t it, Mat?

It’s basically a good – it’s a nanite Waymo.

It’s a nanite Waymo… [laughs] Alright, alright…

It’s a sleepy bedtime Waymo.

Mat World is like the current world we’re in, but maybe like six months earlier or later.

Yeah.

Okay, I like it.

I hope so.

Yeah. I hope so too.

Except the floating couch thing. I mean, we’re not quite there yet, but…

No. Well you can, if you have big, strong magnets… But I think clever coffees are going to be at least eight months off.

Clever coffee is a great idea.

Yeah.

Alright, so you’ve got a gadget which is a nanite Waymo…

Sleepy car…

Yeah, sleepy car.

Yeah, yeah. It’s a hush-hush bedtimes vehicle van. You can get [unintelligible 00:23:47.28]

And you’re a salesman, because you claim it teleports you, but what it does is it drives you places while you’re sleeping.

It’s like teleporting. It’s the closest we’ll get. I fell asleep on a flight to the US once. I got on the plane, they messed around, tried to warn me about not to put someone else’s mask on…

[00:24:05.11] Yeah, you sort your own mask…

Well, I wasn’t even thinking of helping anyone else at all, so I don’t know what they’re playing at. And they’re like “Oh, do you want this tiny little packet of peanuts?” “Yes, please.” “Would you like some even smaller pretzels?” I’ve never seen a pretzel that small. Have you? Anyway, this is just in my head, but this happens. So I get on the plane, I fall asleep, I wake up in America. That’s where you all live.

Correct.

And to me, that was like two hours of my life, conscious. So that was like teleporting.

Yeah. I used to do all the time when we’d go on family vacations and I was a child. I’d just sleep in the car. You know, you leave your house, and then you wake up and you’re there.

There you go.

So I’m excited for Mat World. What else you got?

Did you like that when you were a kid, doing that, Jerod?

I loved it.

Yeah… [laughs] See?

That’s what I’m saying. I love it.

What has happened? You forgot about that love? Because [unintelligible 00:25:02.26]

No, it’s just that just my parents were driving the car. I wasn’t teleporting, really. I understand from my perspective; I get, a hundred percent, what you’re saying. I’m just feeling like – you know, complete creative freedom to invent a gadget. That’s all.

Okay, good. So just to be clear, you’re just making clear for your listeners that – okay, good.

[laughs] This is your game, by the way, so… Just keep that in mind. Okay. What else you got? I can’t wait to hear this rule.

Well, exactly. The laws are different on each of our planets, of course. And mine - there’s a law that’s actually quite a strange one, that was passed a few years ago. If you want a doc at work, you have to write it. Okay? You can’t say “Let’s have this doc”, and then make someone else write it. It’s a law.

It’s a law. [laughter]

Yeah. In Mat World.

Okay. This is a good one.

You want something written? Write it yourself.

You cannot request that somebody else write some documentation.

Yes.

You have to write it yourself.

You have to write it. And if you can’t, because you don’t know, then you have to find out in order to write it. Yeah.

But it proves that you need it, first of all… Because it’s easy to just imagine “Here’s six docs we should have.” That’s easy.

Alright, let’s play this out for a moment. So let’s say Mat in Mat World, you write a new microservice. It’s perfectly engineered, so you’re not in danger of the dungeon… And I need to use your microservice. And it’s got no docs. I can’t come to you and be like “Hey Mat, you should write some docs for this.”

Yeah, this is true. You’ve found an immediate place where this doesn’t apply.

[laughs] I should write the docs.

I’m not talking about docs, really…

Oh, okay.

I’m talking about like a design – I’m talking about like some pre-designed thing, or some… Write a doc that explains something about the system.

Gotcha.

Yeah. Which - you have the knowledge.

It’s one of these laws that there’s like lots of small fineprint.

Yeah. It changed over time.

Yeah. Well, you have to adjust it as the world advances. Okay, so… Not a bad idea.

Yeah.

Tiny little law. Adam, do you like this one? Write your own docs.

I think it’s probably hard to enforce.

Wait, what kind of consequences are there if you ask somebody else to write some docs? Three nights in the dungeon?

No, no. It’s basically decriminalized at this point.

Decriminalized… [laughs] So it’s a misdemeanor.

Not even, yeah.

Not even that. You’re just fined.

It’s like jaywalking.

Okay. So everybody does it. So it’s a worthless law.

Yeah.

Alright. What else you got?

It’s mostly a request.

Yeah. [laughs]

It is, yeah. And that’s all laws are really, isn’t it? They’re just requests that like “Please don’t pop his head off…”

“If you do this, I’m going to have to do that.”

Yes.

“And you don’t want that.”

It’s a good idea to have laws written in code though, I think. [unintelligible 00:28:00.02] the idea. It’s quite a good one.

You should try that.

Yeah.

Yeah. And – alright, the laws of physics aren’t exactly the same on this planet, by the way…

Mm-hm… Good.

[00:28:11.23] I know what you’re thinking, Jerod; you’re thinking laws of physics are probably identical to Earth. Why would they be? This Mat World is different.

Okay…

All the rain falls in one go. Like, just down, like, bang.

Just a single drop?

It’s just an enormous smash. Everything.

That’s awesome. Finally, it delivers.

None of this delivery in little bits and pieces, and taking hours…

Just one big, massive drop.

Like worldwide?

Yeah. Just bang.

Does everybody get hit at once? Are there holes in it?

Everybody’s wearing pointy hats.

[laughs] How do they know? They’ve got really good weather people?

They just wear them all the time. You never know when it’s coming.

Oh, okay. Just in case.

You can see it, but…

Is that a law? The pointy hat law?

No, but of course you’re going to do it. Otherwise you have to try and dive through it. Like a reverse dive.

So if you don’t have the hat on, could it kill you?

It probably could. You could certainly get a slapped, red back. Have you ever jumped into a pool and just landed on your belly on top of the water?

I have, yeah. It hurts.

Belly flop. Yeah.

This is on top of your head.

Smash. All the buildings are pointy…

[laughs] Okay, this has big ramifications.

Yeah. But you know, once it’s done, you can go out for the day, do what you want.

Just one big drop.

It just comes down in one big slab.

Love it. Mat’s World sounds fascinating.

Welcome. Have a coffee. This one’s from Kenya, so you can – this will actually teach you about the sort of rich experience of that country, and the rich culture… So have it. Enjoy. That’s the Kenya one. Or I can offer you this cold blend from Brooklyn, New York. For half an hour you’ll know how to look cool wearing a hat.

[laughs]

This cold blend…

You’ve got some crazy podcasts in Mat World…

Break: [00:30:10.11]

Alright, Adam, do you want to take us to Adam World?

I’d love to go.

I don’t even think I want to do any more of this stuff… [laughter] I’m done with this imagining stuff… I don’t know if I’ll be as cheeky as Mat, but I will take it to Adam World.

Let’s hear it.

I’d love to go.

I really struggled, because I was between a couple of different worlds here… But I figured I’d stay stereotypical and take you to what I would call Adam World.

Okay, let’s hear it. Silicon Valley.

So am I supposed to read this script that you shared with me, Jerod? Is that the rule?

Mat sent me the script. Should he read the script?

He didn’t read the script.

Yeah, he sort of.

I kind of did.

He used it as an outline.

Oh, okay.

You can read verbatim if you want, or you can do it like Mat did, or you can do whatever you want. It’s your show.

I will do my best. Okay?

Okay. That’s all we can ask for.

Please.

A lot of [unintelligible 00:32:58.24]

Welcome, gentlemen.

Thank you.

I didn’t write that. Welcome, gentlemen, to Adam World. I hope you enjoy your time with us. Remember to visit the Silicon Valley Museum, and the food court, and try the Hooli Pied Piper burger today, and sample the delights of the uptick mineral water, which might reduce bedwetting. But first, can I introduce you to our favorite gadget, the most revolutionary compression algorithm ever that the world has ever seen?

Oh…

That’s it. That’s the script.

Middle out?

Middle… Middle something. I didn’t name it. It was already named.

That’s right. Alright, so –

The new gadget is a revolutionary compression algorithm.

Yeah.

We could use one of those.

It remains unnamed. Like Voldemort. You can’t say the name.

Right.

The new rule, new law is this: Everything is nothing, and nowhere, but also kind of everywhere.

Cloud.

Yeah. Compressed.

Compressed.

And the thing I’d love to change most about the world that I live in is I want to live – this is heartfelt, okay? This is hard to even say…

Okay. You can do it. You can do it, mate…

You can say it.

I want to live in a world where everyone can watch Silicon Valley in peace and harmony…

Well, this is very touching.

Okay, I’ve said it. I’ve said it. That’s it.

Wow… Wow.

That’s it.

Wow.

I like it.

That’s all I can say. Wow.

Thank you for listening.

I’d like to be on Adam’s World. I’ve just started rewatching Silicon Valley, and it’s so good.

I’m proud of you.

How many times have you seen it, Adam?

Uh, endless. It’s constantly playing in my brain.

Yeah. So if you had that compression alg – by the way, you can’t name it because the name is so small that it can’t be spoken by humans? Is it compressed that much?

They wanted to call it FTL.

That’s great. That is great.

FTL.

Faster than light. Yeah?

Faster than light, yeah.

Or For the Loss.

It’s lossless, though.

It’s lossy.

For the Loss is good, too.

[laughs]

But it was actually Faster Than Light. But I like FTL For The Loss as well.

Or Flossy. Well, so if you had that for real then, what would that – I mean, because we did have a bit of a problem before recording this, where my hard drive is unnecessarily [unintelligible 00:35:57.18]

Well, that would have never happened, okay? Because based on the new rule, new law, everything is nothing and nowhere, but also kind of everywhere.

[00:36:08.01] I don’t know what that means.

Well, everything is nothing, and it’s nowhere, because it’s just so small. But it’s also kind of everywhere, because it’s so small it can move so fast. So this problem Mat had with moving his data and all that disk space issue is that it just basically renders disk space obsolete, because it’s infinite. It’s just – the thing that something becomes nothing, but also something and everywhere.

Yeah. That’s cleared it up. Yeah.

Yeah.

I’ve always found compression to be sort of bonkers, that you could just have a file and then do something and then it’s a smaller file, and then do something else and put it back. It’s amazing.

You know, sometimes I just uncompress and decompress things constantly, just to see if somewhere someone’s pulling something over on me. [laughter]

Yeah, that’s good. We should find out –

It’s constantly compressing, recompress, compressing, recompress. It’s back and forth. One day I’ll know for sure if they’re truly compressing those things, and then pulling them back out and they work again.

Yeah.

We’ll never know.

Yeah. Or they’re just saving the main file in a different folder and you don’t notice.

And that’s why we have the Silicon Valley Museum. If we didn’t have this museum, these critical cultural icons in our world today would just be gone forever.

Yeah.

You would never know why, or how.

I thought this was the Silicon Valley – now we know where it is. It’s in Adam World. But I thought when you meant Silicon Valley, I thought you meant like the actual computer area.

Oh, yeah. Sorry, Mat. This is where you’re sorely mistaken, man. This is the TV show.

You don’t listen to the show enough, man. It’s never the computer.

It’s Silicon Valley, the TV show.

It’s always the TV show.

Gotta keep it alive forever. It’s rich in my blood, deep, deep, deep.

One time I tried to reference the actual geography of the Silicon Valley, and this guy dinged me anyways. He overruled it, and he just dinged it. He’s like “Nope, that’s the TV show.” So… Good luck trying to talk about the geography.

Okay. No, forget it.

Not in Adam’s world.

Yeah.

Not in Adam’s world.

Now, I don’t know about you, but I’m just sick and tired of…

Is he going to start crying again?

It’s tough to talk about, okay…? [laughter]

He’s getting choked up…

I’ve got some friends, okay…? They’re still a little scarred… They were trying to watch Silicon Valley –

That was too close to home…

…and some people came in the house, started throwing some things, okay? They were throwing things. It was not cool. No peace, no harmony… Trying to watch Silicon Valley.

So everyone is allowed to watch it… And that is the law.

No, no, that’s not the law. This is the law.

Oh, that’s the change.

If you want everyone who wants to watch it, you can do so in peace and harmony. Now, there was this cult, this uprising trying to abolish and get rid of and erase Silicon Valley culture and everything that this TV show stands for. And people were trying. They were on eBay, and they were trying to get the TV show.

[00:39:51.14] Trying to buy it?

Is that where it is?

HBO have revolted, there was insiders… It was a mess, okay? It was a mess. And then whenever you watched Silicon Valley the TV show, there was never any peace and never any harmony. And so the new rule is this, is that you have to abide by peace and harmony. You cannot disrupt. They will watch Silicon Valley forever if they want to.

It sounds like the Streisand effect.

I’m getting a little worked up now. Now, I was sad for a second there, but now I’m mad.

Well, maybe you should come to Jerod’s world.

Yeah, Adam, it sounds like you’ve made a world that’s really just tormenting you. Pop in the rocket. Let’s go to Jerod world. Would you like an enormous pretzel?

Welcome, gentlemen, to Jerod world.

Oh, hello. Yay…!

I hope you do enjoy your time with us… Remember to visit the Lou, which is our Lou Gehrig-themed restaurant.

[laughs]

And when you’re there, be sure to order the number two, which is the best chili nachos, smothered in baked beans.

Lovely.

And then of course, when you’re all finished, you can wash it down with our world-famous cocktail. You’re going to love this cocktail, Mat. It’s an homage to Allen Iverson and his mechanical horse named TinTin. Sorry, this is too good. [laughs]

That is so good.

Yeah. You know Allen Iverson, the famous basketball player here in the United States?

Yeah.

Well, did you know he had a mechanical horse?

Was it called TinTin?

Yeah. Iverson’s mechanical TinTin. We call the drink IverMecTin.

Nice.

Does it come in a tin-tin?

Yes.

Like a Trojan horse…

And it’ll finish you off nicely after that number two.

Oh, yeah. It sounds big, that number two, as well.

It is big.

It sounds really big.

Yeah. You almost can’t finish it in one sitting.

Right, yeah.

Now, that’s just our fine cuisines. But we also have amazing new gadgets…

Oh, I’d love to hear about your gadget. Is it better than a levitating chair or a sleepy nighttime car?

Yes, I think it might be more useful than a really good Waymo.

Oh, yeah?

This is called the dis-incinerator. And it does exactly what it sounds like. It’s the opposite of an incinerator. It’s so useful. So if you have a great campfire and you want to do it again… Same wood. Just disincinerate it. California wildfires? No need to rebuild your home. Just disincinerate your home. Right back to good as new.

Yeah.

Or the Amazon forest ravaged by loggers? First, you have to incinerate the logs…

Right.

…and then let’s get those trees back in the ground with the disincinerator.

Right…

I think you get the point.

This is very good. And grandma?

[laughs] That’s right. Oh, yes… The ultimate of disincinerating values is your loved ones.

Bring them back.

As long as they don’t choose traditional burial, we can disincinerate them, too.

This is exciting, because I sometimes burn things and then think afterwards “I shouldn’t have burned that.”

I think we all do that from time to time, don’t we?

It happens. Yeah.

Pretty good gadget.

Yeah. This is a good gadget.

Thinking outside the box, you know? Not just renaming existing vehicles, but just brand new things.

Yeah.

Of course, there are some people who would not like this disincinerator. Serial killers…

Oh, yeah… It’s annoying for them.

Or people with really mean grandmas…

Some grandmas are horrible.

[00:43:57.21] Yeah. And you just want to leave them as they are, as they lay, or as they lie. Liars, they are. But for everybody else, there’s the disincinerator.

This is it, yeah.

This is my gadget. I’ve got nothing else there. That’s how Jerod’s World works.

I once made a pizza, and I didn’t really know what I was doing, so I sort of put it under the grill, which is the broil thing in the U.S, I think… You know, where t’s just got the heat on the top…

Sure.

And I thought “That’s kind of like a pizza oven”, but I was essentially just grilling, or toasting a pizza, a frozen pizza. And anyway, to cut a long story short, it was on fire. It was very quickly on fire.

Yeah.

And I knew it was a spicy pizza, but I don’t think it was meant to be on fire. And certainly, when I checked the box, it said nothing about that. If anything, it implied it wouldn’t be on fire. Like, it didn’t say it explicitly, but yeah, you just can read between the lines.

Yeah, you can’t return it at that point, unless you had a disincinerator. Now, in that case, I think it pays for itself.

You can just take cooking too far and then just rewind it, basically.

You can get yourself a disincinerator for four easy payments of $29.99, and one really hard payment. So… Just look out for that one.

Same amount, but you have to pay in pennies.

That’s right. You know, your check’s going to get lost in the mail, your bank account’s going to bounce… Something’s going to go wrong on that last one.

Yeah. Put the wrong number in. When you try to put your destination bank account number, you put it all in correctly, but you got something wrong in the address, so it’ll just slow you down. [unintelligible 00:45:36.07] the system has been flagged, but it’s bank holiday. It’s a long weekend.

Shout-out to Mitch Hedberg. That’s an old Mitch Hedberg gag that he does quite a bit better than I do… And if I can disincinerate him, I certainly would. Alright, now, there are some new rules here in Jerod world.

Uh-oh…

We don’t live after the same rules that you all live by.

This is going to be dark… This is going to make Adam cry.

[laughs]

Here’s what we’re going to do. We’re going to return to champions. We’re going to bring back champions. In Jerod world we do not wage war by killing millions of young men, women, innocent children. All disputes are resolved by champions. Just like we used to do in the neighborhood growing up. You know, my dad can beat up your dad, that kind of a thing. Or the old school David versus Goliath - send out your best, we send out our best, and whoever wins, wins the dispute.

Is David the best one? Because that statue of him, he’s got no arms. Have you seen it? In Italy? If that’s the best they had…

[laughs] Yeah. I think Michelangelo screwed that part up. Didn’t he? Or is that –

And he didn’t have any clothes. He’s got his willy out. He can’t go to battle –

All he needed was five smooth stones, I guess, but not any –

He just had two. [laughter]

You must’ve read a different account. So yes, this is the old champions. Here’s how it would work. Now, I got practical here. I want to actually explain this, because you can’t just come out and say whoever’s champion wins, wins. I still do not want there to be murder. Okay? So there’s no – all wars now are done this way instead. And it is based on champions. How it works is each disputing group will pick their contest. Okay? It could be MMA, it could be Wii Sports, chess, vibe-coding, whatever.

Right.

There’s nine events, and the smallest population picks first, because they need a little help.

Right.

And then each contest has a new champion. So you name, “Here’s our vibe-coding champion. Here’s our chess champion.” And they battle it out. First one to five wins the dispute. Here’s the kicker though… Each champion that loses is disqualified from ever being a champion in that category ever again, and so choose wisely. What do you think? This would work, right?

I mean, I think we should do this just as a TV show.

I think we should.

[00:48:02.07] Yeah.

It’s kind of like the Olympics, but higher stakes, and more categories.

And more random categories.

What are the rules in that last part again? How does that go?

Well, you’ve got nine… So let’s say it’s a United States versus Great Britain, for instance.

Oh, come on. That’d never happen.

I know it wouldn’t, but just for giggles.

Hilarious.

Yes… So we would pick a – we have a bigger population, so they would pick a category, probably cricket…

Could be.

Probably a surefire win for them. I mean…

It could be the Beatles, and then we put Paul McCartney in…

It could be. Yeah, if he’s still kicking… We’d put Willie Nelson against him, see what happens…

Yeah. Fair enough.

But they would pick cricket, we don’t have any cricket players… We might just give them that one. We’re like “Fine, whatever. You win that category.” And then we would pick a category, and you could name pretty much any other game of skill. And then we would have more people on that one. And then they would pick one…

You say burgers, and we’re like “We’ll let them just have that one.”

Exactly. [laughs]

Pick your battles…

Apple pie, or a pie baking contest… Yeah, so food, we pretty much win. But it could be like Fortnite… I’m sure there’s probably some really good Fortnite players over there. Curling…

Yeah, even minesweeper.

Mnesweeper… Yeah, there’s whole kinds of e-sports that can move into this. And then whoever wins is best of five. So you’ve got nine different events… So it can go four to four, all the way down, and whoever wins the last one wins the dispute. So whatever we’re disputing about, be it land, or money, or how many u’s to put in the word favorite - I’m looking for zero - we win, or they win. And that’s it. The dispute’s over. There’s no ifs, ands, or buts about it. It’s over.

Yeah. I think everyone could get behind that. It’d be like “Okay, fair enough… We’re all going to [unintelligible 00:49:54.02]

It’d be great entertainment, too. They’re already trying to entertain us with these monstrosities, right? They’re like showing us war, and stuff…

Yeah, it’s horrible.

How about like something fun?

Yeah. I like this idea.

We have to get the violent people to really buy into this idea. I don’t think it’s the –

Well, it’s Jerod World, so I just dictate it. Like, this is just how the world works.

Oh, okay. Yeah, that’s true.

You have to. Yeah.

This is a good one. It puts my docs one into sharp perspective, doesn’t it? That one really seems unimportant now.

[laughs] Yeah. Yeah, it sure does.

Yeah.

In fact, if you had a dispute over docs - well, we would just champion it, you know?

And I think in this world it’s probably pretty easy to watch Silicon Valley the TV show in peace and harmony.

I think yeah, you might exist happily in this world, Adam.

Yeah. It’s not – no need for tears. No need for sessions, and groups, and…

Yeah.

…fellow Silicon Valley people to cry with.

Well, it’s the AI best friend, it’s helping you through it.

It’s a thing of the past… What a beautiful world, Jerod…

So I’ve described to you guys my gadget, which is the disincinerator. I’ve told you my new rule, which is a return to champions and skill-based competition to settle disputes… My thing I would like to change - and Mat, you did say this does not include physics. I can just do whatever I want, right?

Yeah. Anything you want, mate. Don’t forget, I have the big rain that all comes down in one go.

Yeah. That was epic. I might adopt that. Can I adopt some of your stuff? Well, let me just go a little bit bigger than that even, and say everything that tastes good - ice cream, Snickers, the extra large number two from Lose… They’re all actually good for you.

Right.

And everything that tastes bad - cucumbers, or cucumbers gone bad a.k.a. pickles, avocados… You know gross stuff - they’re actually bad for you.

Right.

So this is not a creative one, because I think a lot of people would like this… But it really is going to bring people into Jerod World. Because wouldn’t it be amazing if the best things, that tasted the best to you, actually were the best for you? Wouldn’t that just be epic?

[00:52:02.10] Yeah, it would be epic. I think a lot of people would be happy with that, and I don’t want to take anything away from them… But just for me, just only speaking just for me personally, I don’t really like cakes, and that… And the stuff I like is good for you stuff. Like, I love avocado. Cucumber? Oh yes, please. Pickled. Hello?

[laughs] Well, you must be pretty healthy then.

I think I am, but not deliberately.

Yeah. Just because you like the taste of good things.

I think by accident. Yeah.

Well, here’s the thing - I didn’t describe how it works especially. I was naming things that I think taste good or bad. But it’s completely subjective. So whatever you think tastes good is good for you.

Ah, here we go.

Yeah. So I win everybody with that, right? Like, who’s going to not want that?

Yeah, I think so.

It’s kind of like what they did in The Matrix. They made steak taste so good that you just wanted to go red pill.

So this is a personal preference thing. This is not a “I make your food taste bad, you make my food taste whatever.”

Whatever tastes good is good for you. And that’s you personally.

So all your favorite stuff that’s guilty pleasure.

Everything that’s good is good.

So let’s say I have a bag of Swedish fish.

Swedish?

Swedish, Swedish fish… Known to have Red 40 in it.

Okay…

What the heck is Red 40?

Let me tell you about Red 40…

Tell me about it, man…

What is Red 40? Let’s see how biased this is. This is DeepSeek R1.

It’s going to tell you what China [unintelligible 00:53:39.26] Red 40 is.

What is Red 40? Thinking… Red 40, also known as Allura Red AC, is a synthetic red dye widely used in food, beverages, cosmetics and pharmaceuticals.

Right.

Okay.

Okay. And you like that, don’t you?

It is known to have health concerns, hyperactivity in children [unintelligible 00:54:01.29] in some studies to electric reactions… And some of the stuff, I don’t know. Whatever.

Yeah.

Anyways –

It’s bad for you.

It’s approved in the US, not apprroved everywhere else.

Not in Jerod World… Not in Swedish fish, and Jerod World.

Well, it’s good for you in your world, isn’t it, Jerod?

That’s right. I mean, this is just how it works.

Yeah. Well, I mean, the point is you’ve got Swedish fish, Red 40… I think it tastes good. They’re pretty solid.

I’ve never had them.

In Jerod world they don’t taste good? Or is it up to me for them to taste good?

If it tastes bad to you, it’s bad for you. It’s a simple equation. If it tastes good to you, it’s good for you.

Yeah. So your Swedish fish would be good for you. The doctor would be like “You make sure you’re getting enough Swedish fish… You get that Red 40. You need that Red 40.”

That’s right.

So you’re telling me it tastes good to me, good for me, no matter what.

Exactly. I mean, this is a win, win, win. There’s no losing here. I mean, you would just want this real change. This is why I changed it.

So let’s say you’ve got somebody who’s like really down with broccoli.

They’re down with it.

They’re down with the broccoli.

They love it. So good for them.

In the past they’d say things like “I wuv you, broccoli. I wuv you, broccoli.”

Okay, so they have a speech impediment kind of a thing?

Yeah.

Okay.

No… [laughs]

Like a children cartoon.

This is a dated – that was a dated caricature of the person. That was when they were seven.

I didn’t know you dated [unintelligible 00:55:35.14]

Maybe four, or three.

[laughs]

I wuv you, bwoccoli.

Go ahead, do it again. He wants to do it again. Go ahead…

I love you, broccoli… You taste like candy.

Okay.

So if you love broccoli, it tastes like candy - good for you. No matter what.

It’s good for you. It’s not a complicated algorithm. There’s no holes in this algorithm. You can’t poke a hole in it. Alright, so who’s moving where? That’s what we’ve gotta know. Who’s moving where? Now, I kind of want this – I think my world’s the best, but I really do want Mat’s all the rain at one moment thing. So I’m kind of on the fence there..

[00:56:18.21] And you know you want people watching Silicon Valley in peace and harmony, man.

[laughs] I’m not against that.

You know that’s your goal…

That’s not my goal in life, but I do want them to have that freedom. So yeah. I mean, all these worlds sound pretty good. What I’m kind of bummed about is we don’t have any musical accompaniment for any of this. Mat, can you sing – how about theme songs? I mean, now you know our worlds, you’ve heard everything about Mat World, you’ve heard about Adam World…

Merge the worlds via song, brother.

…everything about Jerod World… Maybe a ditty for each, or one that encompasses all three… Whatever you’re thinking here. Get that guitar out.

Right, let’s do it. Let’s go on a trip around this weird solar system.

[00:57:02.01]

Won’t you come with me, please… On a big, big journey… We’ree gonna make sure you put your own mask on first, before you help anybody… You can sit on a floating sofa… You can ride a sleepy car… If you want to write docs, though - you’re the only one who has to do it… Okay… Because all the rain falls in one go… Everybody wears pointy hats… And all the cars are pointy, and all the buildings are also pointy… Why? Why? Well, it’s because because… Because of the rain…!

Do you like Silicon Valley…? If you do, you’re going to like this place. You can watch it anytime you like, in peace and harmony… If you don’t like it though, I don’t know what happens to you… I assume that it’s not great, maybe you’ll get shunned…

Or we can go to Jerod World now… Jerod World… Where all things you eat that are nice, that means they’re good for you… Like, you could eat a bad, bad sandwich, but you like it anyway… Well, I’ve got news for you. Were you paying attention? That sandwich is now good for you. You’re gonna like Jerod World… And if you don’t, just get in the rocket, we’ll take you to space, take you back home… Would you like a little packet of pretzels…? In the event of an emergency, please put your own mask on before helping anyone else…

Very nice. Very nice. Ooph…

[01:00:07.00] Ooph indeed. That’s the sort of reaction you look for after a song.

Not one mention of compression. Sad.

Pardon?

Not one mention of compression, man.

Oh, yeah. Well, it was in there…

[laughs] You’re so disappointed. You might start crying again.

No, it was in there, between all the words.

Yeah, he compressed it.

Oh, I sure did.

This is not what we call peace and harmony.

I got out of that so good… I got out of that… Because of the compression thing.

I think Mat really highlighted his points more than ours. Don’t you think, Adam?

He did. He was favoring his pointed hats, and the pointed cars…

He even brought back the little pretzels… It’s like, none of us were talking about pretzels but Mat.

I don’t know about you, but when he said –

I mean, no mention of a disincinerator at all… Coolest gadget of the three.

Yeah. I forgot about it. I was trying to remember that stuff, but… What I should have done is written it down.

That would have been good. We gave you plenty of time, you know? I mean, Adam cried for a good 45 seconds.

Yeah, I know. But that was just so touching. It was like watching a Morgan Freeman film. At the end, where he does a long speech, he tells you all about something…

Which one’s that?

All of them. It’s like “I’m Morgan Freeman, and I’m going to tell you now about this moral of the story.” That sort of thing.

Right.

Is that right?

What’s probably your favorite Morgan Freeman movie?

I like that one where he’s God. Bruce Almighty. That’s a good one.

Such a short role, though.

God…

Yeah, but important.

I mean, he wasn’t really in the film a lot.

Well, you know…

Not bad. He only really did his thing for a week there, didn’t he? And it took him a week to build all the Universe and all the people and everything.

That’s right.

That’s right.

Bruce Almighty, on the other hand, had to do loads of work, and he had to keep his main job.

A lot of emails…

A lot of emails.

Yes.

I think that movie pales in comparison to Shawshank Redemption, which is one of the best movies of all time.

That’s probably true. It’s often in the lists of top movies.

It is, because it’s just that good.

Yeah, and it really is good too, so… It’s fair enough.

Yeah. Sometimes you’ll have a popular album and you’re like “Yeah, I don’t really like that band, because everybody else likes them.” Like, of course, you’re going to pick Godfather 2, you know?

Yeah, Shawshank really is the –

But it’s like, Shawshank is just so good you can’t even get mad at people.

[unintelligible 01:02:24.12] I think because it’s so long.

Shawshank’s long?

It’s a pretty long movie. It’s not a short movie.

No.

It’s not a three-hour movie, but it’s long.

I heard it was a flop when it first came out, and people were like “Meh.” And then it just grew and grew. It was one of those. It wasn’t like a big opening weekend. Not like, you know, [unintelligible 01:02:42.15] the Fast and the Furious cars.

Right.

Or those angry cars. You know, Marvel.

Right.

But Shawshank is great.

Well, I think that Shawshank can probably thank TBS, or perhaps TNT - which might be the same company, I don’t even know - because its rise to fame really was over like the course of 10 to 15 years when it was just on… Like, TBS on a Saturday afternoon; probably every Saturday or Sunday, for years. And it gave an entire generation an opportunity to watch it, and watch it over and over again, and just fall in love with it. Because yeah, it wasn’t like it changed the world when it was in theaters, or anything.

But it’s classic. And if you look at those lists, which I sometimes do, and I’m like “I’m going to start at the top film of all time”, which is usually a Godfather or two…

Yeah.

…and go down the list until I haven’t seen one, and then that’s the one I have to then watch. And honestly, they really are all good. That is true. When they’re in the top 50 films of all time or whatever, they’re probably all pretty good films.

Yeah, they’re all really stinking good.

And if you’re the guy in the room going “Oh, I don’t like that one, because –”, you’re probably wrong.

Yeah.

Yeah…

[01:04:04.15] But let me do that for a second. Okay, so Citizen Kane, though. That one’s well-known, top number one, and that’s the one I’m always like “Yeah, I’ve seen it, but I wouldn’t go back and watch it.” I appreciate it for its quality, whatever, whatever. But I’d watch Shawshank a hundred times before I’d watch Citizen Kane again. Maybe just because it’s that old of a movie. I mean, it was very early on… But it’s always there, and I don’t think it doesn’t deserve it, I just feel like I could take it or leave it myself. So there. There, I’m that guy, you know?

“It sucks…”

No, but I’m that guy with Citizen Kane as well.

Okay, cool.

But we’re probably wrong.

We probably are. But we’re at least wrong together, you know?

Yeah, exactly. And that’s why I come on this podcast.

That’s right. We can watch Shawshank in peace and harmony.

[laughs]

One would pray.

Alright, what else? Should we hard segue into a different topic? Should we say goodbye? Should we reinvent new worlds beyond?

I just want to mention one thing that was not really talked about much.

Okay.

Uptick mineral water.

Oh, yeah.

I don’t know what that is.

Uptick. You drink this mineral water and not only do you get a physical uptick, you get a website traffic boost as well.

Yeah, this is good.

Uptick mineral water. Brings you growth.

Makes your internet fast.

Well, I mean, you know… It helps you get the people to buy your thing. Uptick.

It does a lot of things, this Uptick. Is it natural? Does it come out of a spring?

It’s a mineral water.

Yeah.

Best thing for you.

Not if you don’t like the taste of it…

Some would call it amazing. Some would call it amazing. Honestly.

I would.

Mineral water that gives you a physical and a digital uptick.

Uptick…

Who doesn’t want an uptick?

Who doesn’t, indeed?

You know what, I live daily for an uptick.

Can you see this gadget though I have in real life?

Oh, wow. What is this? So there’s like two lights around your neck?

Those are personal headlights.

Kind of like that, yeah.

So you have – what is this, Mat?

This is kind of like personal headlights. It’s sort of joking, but –

Yeah, it does look like that.

…if you’re reading a book, you wear this light kind of collar. There’s a sort of collar to it.

It looks like the pillow you’d put on on an airplane.

Yeah. Pop it around your neck, put your own mask on before helping anyone else’s… Put your own headlights on before helping your friends, or your children… And then you can read, because there’s more light on you.

It shines light on your book.

What if you just had instead, right here, Mat - see this part of my neck?

Oh yeah, face it back into you.

What if you just had these – they were magnets. Those same lights, and they would call it Power Over Skin.

P.O.S.

Right? Your skin would electronically transmit the power… You click the lights to your neck. Power via your heartbeat, and boom. Light.

Also, would they pulse?

I don’t know if they would pulse. Maybe they have different – you know, your body should provide the power at that point, you know? But they can use the power to blink, or to go blue or green, or to be this… I’m thinking maybe like 3600 Kelvin right now, roughly…

Yeah.

4700, maybe.

I mean, I wish you could do that. I wish you could experiment more with stuff in your body. Like “Yeah, I’ve gone for LEDs”, or extra arms.

Imagine that. Gen 2 of that.

[01:07:53.10] Extra arms?

Yeah, imagine an extra arm coming out of your side.

Ouch…

Here’s a weird thing, because – well, imagine picking something up with it now. You kind of know how that would feel. That’s my theory.

Yeah, like an arm.

Yeah, but imagine – imagine it, you’ve got an arm coming out of your side.

Oh, I am. You keep saying that like I’m not imagining it, but I am.

Okay, you are. Right, good. I just can’t tell. I can’t tell what you’re imagining.

I’m with you.

I just can’t tell what you’re imagining or not.

Well, I’m wondering, could you feel when the power over your skin – like, would you feel the electricity running through your veins?

Imperceptible.

Oh, wow.

The reason why is you’re already – do you feel it now? You’re already electrical.

I’m carbon-based.

Or your nerves… Touch your fingertips. That’s an electrical pulse.

Yeah, I do feel that, actually.

That’s electricity inside your body. Low voltage, baby.

Yeah, but, I mean, you’re talking like lighting up a light bulb, dude.

A light bulb - that’s low voltage. That’s five volts or less, man. You don’t feel that.

Have you ever peed on an electric fence?

No, because they say don’t do that. In my world, one of the laws that I didn’t have to mention was that. You don’t pee on the electric fence. You just don’t do it.

Oh, yeah.

There’s a song about it, too. Did you hear the song?

[laughs] Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, the song about not peeing on the electric fence.

Don’t pee…

Mat, how’s that one go again?

Go ahead, Mat. Give us a rendition of the “Don’t pee on the electric fence.”

There we go.

Yeah, yeah, I got it.

Okay, good.

I wonder what genre this is going to be.

Uh, nursery rhyme.

Yeah, kind of like a kid’s song, in a way.

Very happy.

Very happy. Too fast. Too fast. Yeah, that’s a good pace. No rush. You’re in no rush to pee on that fence.

[01:09:49.22]

Hey, when you’re going out for a walk…

A little too fast.

[laughs]

[01:09:51.10]

There’s something I’ve gotta tell you, let’s have a talk… Because if you need, to go, there’s something you should know… Don’t go on that electric fence.

I did it once and not again, I’m electric now and then… I couldn’t even really believe how it made me feel. Yeah, I did it, I’ve done it again, kids. Oh, man, it hurts. It stings. Oh yeah, it burns. It stings.

It hurts. It burns. It stings.

So is the idea there that you actually peed on it while you were singing the song even? Like mid-song.

Yeah. The song’s going. You’re doing it to show them what not to do.

“Oh, I did it again…!”

That’s why he sped up, because he just…

It hurts, it burns, it stings.

Yeah.

That’s gonna be a classic.

That’s good stuff, man. And you had your headlights on, your personal headlights.

Now, Mat, when you wear those on the airplane, can you see to the very bottom, and get that very last little pretzel? Is that what those are for?

You can take these on an airplane…

Get down there in the bottom of the bag.

But the problem is, when they turn all the lights off, everyone goes to sleepy time… Then you’ve got your lights on. It’s really annoying for everyone.

Yeah, you’ve got to say sorry.

Is there a dim mode maybe? You know, where it’s like less bright?

Oh yeah, there’s more bright… There’s like three levels.

Intermittent.