Go Panic!

Hello and welcome to the third and final installment of the Go Time GopherCon lunchtime mashup. I’m Mat Ryer, and today, much like the last day of school, we’re not gonna be doing any work. Instead, I’m gonna be asking “Would you like to play a game?” Not in like a creepy way, like in the Saw movies, with the weird little clown man riding a tiny bike… But like the American game show Jeopardy. We’re gonna have a quiz show, a good old-fashioned quiz show. It’s gonna be great. I’ll explain the rules in a bit, but first, let’s meet the contestants.

Hello, contestants! Let’s see who we’ve got. I can see Kat Zień. Hello, Kat!

Hello. Hi, Mat.

Senior engineer at Monzo. Last time we spoke you weren’t senior engineer, so you got older.

Yeah, I aged.

Yeah. Well, that’s alright… It happens to everyone. We’ve also got Ellen Körbes. Hello, Ellen.

[04:01] I am very impressed that you managed to pronounce the surname correctly… Which is disappointing, because I only came here to make fun of you. So yeah, that sucks.

Okay. Well, there’ll be plenty of opportunity to do that anyway. You are a dev rel at Tilt, right?

Yeah. I’m a pretty face, yeah.

Okay. If you do say so yourself.

I do, yeah.

Very modest. Yeah, you do. Okay.

Yeah, I do.

Well, we’ve also got… It’s only Mark Bates, isn’t it? Creator and maintainer of the Buffalo project, co-founder at Gopher Guides, which does great training. He’s also kind of the lightning talks on GopherCon… Thor’s jester, he’s Mark Bates. Hello, Mr. Bates.

Hey there, Matthew. How are you doing today, sir?

Not bad. Are you ready to play a game?

That’s so creepy when you say it…

It’s a bit creepy, isn’t it?

It really is, but yeah…

It sounds like the Queen.

Sounds like what?

Like the Queen.

Sounds like the Queen. Well, does she say that? “Would one like to play a game?” It’s very sinister. I’d be like, “No, thanks, your Majesty. I’ll just go.” Okay.

Alex, what are the rules?

Yes, here are the rules. So we’re gonna show you a gameboard, and for each round we’ve got one of these boards… And what you do is you take turns picking one of these squares. You can see that they’re organized in columns by category. And then the number on the square is the number of points that you’re willing to wager. So if you’re particularly strong in a certain category, you might go for the 500 or the 400; if you’re not sure, maybe stick to the 100 and 200 there.

If you get the answer right, you win the points. If you get the answer wrong, we subtract the points, unfortunately. Now, if you do get it wrong, you will lose the points, but the next person in line will have a chance to steal. But be careful with those steals, because you also will lose the number of points if you get it wrong. So only steal when you’re sure.

And we do have a prize, by the way… You will win, whoever wins this, a Raspberry Pi 400, the little keyboard one with a computer inside it. Very exciting. You don’t get a screen. If you have a screen, you’re gonna have to be entering way more quizzes, and much bigger quizzes than this. So there’s no screen, but you can have the little computer anyway.

And there’s no power or any other cabling involved. It’s just the device.

Yeah. You’re on your own.

Wait, does it come with electricity?

No. And it doesn’t come with the key caps, as a matter of fact. You have to buy your own key caps.

Yeah. You can save up for a Caps Lock if you really want to… But yeah, it’s a good prize.

I’m still hoping for one for Christmas.

So what do you think of the prize?

I mean, I’m not gonna get it.

Doesn’t it have an ARM processor? So it’s like it’s basically the new Macs…

[laughs] I think so, yeah. Well, you don’t seem particularly bothered by that prize, but I think it’s a great one.

It’s pretty cool.

Shall we get started?

Yes.

Shall we start the game? Shall we?

Yes, Alex.

Okay. Well, we’ve rolled an invisible dice earlier and come up with this order… So Kat, you’re going first. So the first column - it’s No-go. All the answers are features that Go doesn’t have. Funky Movies - we’ve replaces Go keywords from popular movies with the word func. For example, if I said the clue was “Catch me func you can”, the real movie is “Catch me if you can”, so if is the Go keyword we were looking for. They’ll be obvious when we see them; it’ll be fine.

This is like [unintelligible 00:07:45.26]

It’s okay, don’t worry; it’s not as hard as it sounds, I promise, once we get going.

I don’t know, I was promised there’d be no math.

[laughs] Groups Who Go – you can subtract, Mark, which is essentially all you’re gonna need…

I’m not that good at that either… Go on.

[08:06] Groups Who Go - the answers are groups from around the world, groups of Gophers. That’s a cool one. And we’ve got Pike’s Proverbs, where you are gonna be asked to fill in the blanks from Rob Pike’s Go proverbs.

Okay, now we know the categories… Kat, would you like to pick your first square, please?

Yeah, I’ll go for Groups Who Go for 100.

Groups Who Go for 100. This group builds bridges to educate under-represented communities and to foster diversity in Go.

Is it GoBridge?

So answer in the form of a question… Let’s see… [win sound] Yes, correct. So you get the 100 points. See? Now so bad, eh? Okay, L, it’s your turn now.

Let’s do Funky Movies for 500.

Oh, straight in 500 there…

I mean, if I’m gonna lose, I’m gonna lose big.

Okay… The Funcstant Gardener.

Yeah… How do I make this a question?

Don’t worry about that…

Okay, it’s const.

Const, let’s see… [win sound] Correct! Brilliant.

Yay!

Nice.

Okay, so you’ve got 500 points there. That’s nice. Mr. Bates, time for you to pick a square, sir.

I will take Funky Movies for 400.

Okay, Funky Movies. Batman Funks.

What is return?

[win sound] Yes. Brilliant. For 400.

I know.

Okay, back to Kat.

Wait, wait, wait… Mat’s not playing?

No, he’s the host.

He knows all the answers.

So we can’t make Mat lose? This is the worst…

No, no…

Mat has already lost just being on the air with us.

I’m so disappointed.

He’s already lost, dealing with us.

Okay. Alright, fair enough.

Alright, I’ll go with Groups Who Go for 300.

Okay, let’s have a look. These seven gophers host weekly conversations from around the Go community.

I don’t know, I’m not sure. I’m gonna guess. So if I guess wrong, I get minus points…?

That’s correct, yeah. If you get it wrong.

Can I just not guess then and pass it on?=

Yeah, but you lose the points anyway.

Okay.

It’s a required field.

Okay, I’m gonna say “Is it GoTimeFM?”, but that is just a random guess, because I don’t know if there’s seven of you.

Let’s see… [win sound] Correct!

Oh, nice.

So you win 300 points.

I was counting in my head, I was like “Is it seven people? Is it exactly seven people?” [laughter] That’s why I was like “I don’t really know…”

Okay. L, what do you reckon now?

Let’s stick to movies. 300.

300, Funky Movies. Point Funk.

Oh, man.

Yeah. Go keyword belongs there.

Blank? Is that a keyword? I don’t know…

[fail sound] No.

Right…

Can I steal?

Okay, Bates… Hang on, we need to take the 300 points off L first, which we’ve done… And now, Bates, do you wanna have a go?

What is Break?

Break? [win sound] Yes…

See, that’s the word I wanted.

Yeah.

Yeah, that was the right answer. [laughs]

Okay. Now it’s Mark’s turn.

Yeah, let’s go for Funky Movies for 200.

Funky Movies… The Funcportance of Being Earnest.

[laughs] It’s import…

[win sound] Correct! You’re good at these funky movies.

Hey, wouldn’t it be Functance? It should have just been Functance.

Yeah, exactly.

Yeah, yeah. We left it in there because it sounded more funny, and there’s gonna be no consequences to this…

Fair enough.

Kat, it’s back to you… What do you reckon?

I’ll go Groups Who Go, 400.

Groups Who Go, for 400. 2,442 developer names and emails are listed in this group on Golang.org. What could it be…? It’s a prominent group.

[12:07] It’s a random guess, so I’m gonna completely randomly guess… But “Who are Release Managers?’

[fail sound] Good guess, but it’s not right, I’m afraid. L, do you wanna steal?

Um, no.

Fair enough. Bates, do you wanna steal this one?

I think I know what it is, but I’m not gonna steal.

Okay, you don’t wanna risk it. You’ve got 900…

I’m not gonna risk it. 400 is a lot.

Okay.

I’m pretty sure it’s Contributors, but I’m not answering…

So you don’t want to submit an answer.

I do not wanna submit an answer.

Okay, let’s see what the answer was… The Go Contributors. So you would’ve gotten the 400.

I wouldn’t have gotten it, yeah.

You sure would… Don’t worry though, because it’s L’s turn now.

Um, It’s a No-Go for 500.

Oh, going straight in that number 500, It’s a No-Go. Recursive Go functions might benefit from this compiler optimization.

The only thing I know about recursiveness is tail-something-something. Is that a valid answer?

I mean, you’re sort of submitting a regex kind of answer there… [laughter] [unintelligible 00:13:10.00]

Can I google it for a minute?

Google it? I don’t think that’s allowed… [laughter]

I don’t think so… I don’t know.

Um, what’s it called…? Tailend-something-something? Yeah, I think I lost it…

Okay, don’t worry then… [fail sound] I’m afraid yes, you’re gonna fall down into negative points now, which is kind of fun… Bates, do you wanna steal this one?

I can’t think of it either. All I can think of is tail… Tailend optimization, or something like that; I’m not gonna guess.

Okay, you’re not gonna guess; you’re just gonna help Kat. So Kat, do you wanna have a go at this one, steal it?

No… No, I’m not gonna risk it.

Okay, let’s see what the answer was. You were so close… Tail call optimization.

Oh, tail call…

Yes, indeed… Okay. It’s Bates’ turn now.

Hm…

Pick a square, mate.

Let’s do It’s a No-Go for 400.

Okay, It’s a No-Go for 400. The garbage collector is good, but that hasn’t stopped some people from using this technique themselves. It’s a No-Go, for 400.

Will you be quiet?

No, I can’t have dead air. [laughter] Loads of people just watching you think…

Well, how is that different from the rest of the night? [laughs]

What, L?

I was just saying random things just to annoy Mark, because he wants silence, so we can’t help it.

Okay, so I have to guess, correct?

Yes, you have to have a guess.

I have to take a guess, okay.

Or you can pass and lose the 400.

So the garbage collector is good, but that hasn’t stopped some people from using this technique themselves… And I’m going to say manual garbage collection.

Oh, that is so close… [fail sound] I’m probably gonna – okay, the soundbot has rejected… [fail sound] Okay, soundbot, calm down. Soundbot says no, that means Kat – [fail sound]. Yeah, thank you, soundbot. Kat, would you like to steal this one?

No, because I’m not entirely sure on the wording. If Mark’s guess was not correct, then I don’t know what the right word is… I would have called it the same.

Okay. L, do you wanna steal this one?

Um, nope.

Okay… Let’s see what the answer was. You were very close; I would have probably given you this.

Garbage collector [unintelligible 00:15:22.26]

Yeah, manual memory management. No matter, we’ve taken the points off you.

I feel like I should’ve gotten that one… But anyway, let’s move on.

It was the soundbot… [fail sound] You can’t argue with an 8-bit sound effect.

Well, you know what then? I’m gonna take this to the Supreme Court.

Yeah, please do.

I’m contesting the entire results of this game.

Too soon.

Too soon? Okay. [laughs] I’ll just get yelled at…

Kat, it’s time to pick a square.

I’ll go for – let’s do Pike’s Proverbs for 100, see what that’s like.

Okay, let’s have a look. “Don’t communicate by sharing memory, share memory by… What.”

[16:05] Is it communicating?

Is it? [win sound] Yes! You got an 8-bit fanfare.

Yaay!

Congrats. L.

Um Pike’s Proverbs for 500.

Okay, Pike’s Proverbs for 500. “A little copying is better than a little… What.”

Right, I remember this…

Yeah, say it then.

Well, I remember the part that’s on the screen. [laughter]

Oh yeah, yeah. I remember that bit as well.

A little copying is better than a little… Hm…

What could it be…?

Ah, words…

Pasting? [laughs]

Yeah, that’s the first thing that comes to mind.

Yeah. Well, there’s no point copying if you’re not gonna paste it.

I wanna say something like abstractioning, but that’s not a word, so it can’t be the real answer.

Well, you could say abstraction if you want. That would fit.

Okay, let’s go with that.

Okay. 8-bit sound effect… [fail sound] Oh, sorry. It’s not correct.

Of course I lost.

Bates, would you like to steal this?

Ah, it’s killing me… No. No, I would not.

Okay. Kat?

If it wasn’t for 500, I would’ve guessed… But I’m too afraid to guess. I have an idea, but… Nah.

Okay. You’re gonna pass. Let’s see – what was your idea? Oh, it doesn’t matter.

Oh, dependency…

Dependency. A little copying is better than a little dependency. So you were with it with the abstraction thing, but it wasn’t correct.

Yeah, words… Words are bad.

I was gonna say cleverness, but… Yeah.

Yeah, that’s good.

Bates, pick a square, my friend.

Let’s do Pike’s Proverbs for 400, Alex.

Okay… Make the __________ value useful.

Oh, that’s so easy. It’s so unfair.

What is zero?

What is zero. [win sound] Yes, correct. 400 points.

I’m fair. [laughs]

Kat, back to you.

Oh, me again?

What do you reckon, mate?

Let’s go with Pike’s Proverbs, 200.

Okay… “Cgo is not… What.” What is cgo not?

That’s Pike’s?

Yeah, one of Pike’s proverbs. Cgo is not what. What is it not? It’s like a Dr. Seuss book, ain’t it?

Is it Go?

Let’s see. [win sound] Yes.

I was like, “That’s too obvious to be it…” [laughter] I was like “I feel like there’s a catch.”

No. Great. Great one. L, you’re behind at the moment.

Right. Let’s keep digging this hole. Groups Who Go, for 500.

Groups Who Go, for 500. Kenneth Shaw organizes this group of 8,573 Gophers in Indonesia, Meetup.com’s largest Go meetup.

This is the Go Indonesia Group… [laughs]

Maybe… Is that your answer? I mean…

No, actually… Is it?

I don’t know.

Is it GopherCon Australia maybe? Because it’s like in that part of the globe, right?

Right. So what’s your final answer? For 500, do your answer, please…

Y’all gotta keep talking because dead air, and I need to think for a second… [laughter]

Ellen’s like “Here’s a map…”

Yeah… Kenneth Shaw, 8,573.

I remember talking to him.

Wow.

Who is he?

I remember at some point we had – I think it was GopherCon U.K, when he had a Meetups Organizers catch-up, and he dialed in from Indonesia. It was pretty funny, because it was day for him, and I think late afternoon for us… Would that make sense? No…

Hm. That sounds hilarious.

I’m gonna go with The Go Indonesia Meetup, because I don’t have a better guess than that.

Okay, fair enough. [fail sound] It’s incorrect, I’m afraid. Bates, would you like to steal?

No… I’m pretty sure – I think I know what it is, but no. It’s too many points.

Okay… Kat, you get to steal this then, if you wanna have a Go. You’ve met the person, you spoke to them about their meetup…

[20:19] That’s the thing, but I don’t wanna mess up the meetup name…

Right. What’s your guess then, mate?

I already did that, so…

I don’t know, I don’t wanna steal this.

You don’t have to steal.

Yeah, I’m not gonna remember the actual meetup’s name. I thought it was–

Okay, no problem. Let’s find out. The answer was…

Show us what it is.

Go Jakarta.

Oh, yes… Yeah.

Right.

The capital city of Indonesia.

If only I knew that…

Yeah. Don’t worry.

That was gonna be my guess, but I didn’t wanna mess up the name… Like Kat said.

No one believes you.

[unintelligible 00:20:50.18]

I was gonna say like The Jakarta Gophers, or Go Group, but I didn’t wanna screw it up.

Too late. Way too late. But it’s your turn now though, Bates, so you can show us, instead of telling us how clever you are…

I’ll take the Proverbs – I am clever. I’ll take Proverbs with 300, sir.

Okay. Clear is better than *beep*. What’s the beep? What’s clear better than?

What is clever?

[win sound] Correct. 300 points to you, Mr. Bates. Okay, back to Kat.

Let’s do Groups Who Go for 200.

Okay, let’s see. She runs a local chapter to help build a more diverse and inclusive Go community.

It feels like that could be a lot of people…

I could think of a few she’s…

It’s the name of a group we’re looking for, not a particular person.

Oh okay, so it’s the name of the group. Who is Women Who Go? Are you looking for the general group name?

[win sound] Correct! Yes, nice one. Some points.

Some really weird questions…

Good thing you clarified, because I was like “I know quite a few she’s who run that, so…” [laughs]

Yeah.

We’re not taking pull requests for the quiz, so… You can keep those opinions. Keep them to yourselves. [laughter] L, it’s your turn. You’ve got -1,300 points so far, but you can claw some back.

You can still catch up!

Numerically, I have the largest score, so… There you go, suckers.

Right. Yeah, if we just absolute scores.

No-Go for 300.

No-Go for 300. Go has explicit error handling, so you won’t find these keywords common to other languages.

Yeah, right. I remember this.

Right?

Yeah. Throw. Catch.

Let’s see. [win sound] Yes…! Throw, try, and/or catch. And and or are not included in that, by the way. Correct. Okay.

We don’t have those in Go either…

My score went down now…

Yeah, yeah. Well, it still looks really low, but you did claw some back. Don’t worry, there’s plenty of other chances to win some points. Okay, Mr. Bates.

Yes, I will take Funky Movies, please.

Funky Movies… The Curious Funk of Benjamin Button.

[laughs]

What is case?

[win sound] What is case indeed. Correct. Kat, it’s your turn.

It’s a No-Go for 100, because I’m not too clever.

This form of polymorphism common in many languages is likely coming to Go soon.

What is generics?!

[win sound] Yes! Nice one, congrats. L, you’re left with It’s a No-Go for 200. You won’t find the “class” keyword in Go. That’s because the language isn’t this.

Object-oriented?

Let’s see… [win sound] Congratulations! And that’s the end of round one.

No…! My numbers went down again.

How many more rounds are there?

There’s three rounds.

Oh, okay.

Let’s have a look at the scores. We have a way-behind, unfortunately, on -800; it’s L. Next it’s Kat at 600, but taking the lead there is Mr. Bates, with thirteen hundred, or one thousand three hundred, depending on whose side you’re on. Well done! How do you feel so far about your quiz?

[24:17] Not great, not terrible. I’m in the middle. [laughs]

Okay. Yeah, we can have some chat now. This is chat time, so let’s get to meet our guests a little more. Mark, what’s your guilty pleasure?

I can’t say that on the air…!

Okay. L, what’s the worst thing you’ve ever done? [laughter] It’s just light chat. Keep it light.

Just keep it light. MURDER.

Um, yeah, so I plead the 5th here, or whichever that one is…

Well, the 5th is the correct one, L. That’s right. [laughs]

Okay, yeah. Alright.

Yeah, you didn’t accidentally plead one about farming, one of the amendments about farming, or something…

I mean, it did happen in a farm, but I can’t say what it is.

Okay, well–

I think the 4th amendment is the one about not housing soldiers, or something. There’s an amendment particularly about being forced to house soldiers.

Oh, right.

I’ve never housed a soldier. I can come clean about that and say it for everyone who’s watching.

Okay.

There you go. Fantastic.

I’m sure that puts a lot of minds at rest.

I was worried… [laughter]

I get that question all the time, about you. Strange.

I know…

Okay, shall we move on to round two, shall we?

Gopher it!

Let’s do it. I’ll explain these categories now. On the left there we have Standard Librarians… We’re gonna read the description of a standard library package, and you have to just tell us which package we’re describing. We’re taking it from the GoDocs.

The next category, GitHub Stars. These are the top-starred Go repos on GitHub. All of the answers are those repos.

We also have Gopherpedia, which is actually real-life gopher animal facts that we’ve found on Wikipedia. So that one has actually nothing to do with computers.

And the final one, Go Doesn’t Equal Golang - these are pop culture things with Go in their name, but they’re not related to the language that we all love, Go.

Right, time to start… Kat. Contestant number one, Kat Zień. That’s how you say your name, right?

Yeah.

It sounds to me like someone’s just made a load of money, and they’re like Kat-Zień! You know what I mean?

Yeah, ka-ching…! [laughs] Yeah, everyone always says it sounds Chinese, but it has nothing to do with Asia, as far as I know.

Good name. Do you wanna pick – oh, notice we’ve doubled. This is double panic.

Okay, sorry, now I need to ask - where is the surname from?

Poland.

Oh, cool.

[28:06] Yeah, nobody ever gets that the first time they guess.

Yeah, fair enough, ain’t it.

It’s not [unintelligible 00:28:10.20] [laughs]

Yeah. Okay.

Right.

I need to just tell you this, Kat - it’s Double Panic this round, so notice all the scores have doubled.

Doubled, yeah.

Yeah. Go on then.

Let’s go GitHub Stars for 200.

GitHub Stars for 200. The world’s fastest framework for building static websites.

Wait, wait, wait… What is the – oh, I’m blanking on the name. I’m thinking of the PHP one [unintelligible e00:28:41.04] Wait, wait, wait… Oh, we’re using this for London Gophers; come on, I’m so rubbish with names… [laughter]

It’s also late for you. It’s later for you than it is for Mr. Bates, for example… But let’s just–

You don’t know what I’ve been doing last night.

True. I haven’t watched the videos yet.

Maybe I haven’t gone to bed.

I can’t remember what the static website builder is… I’m sorry.

[fail sound] Okay.

Can I steal?

No, not yet. We need to see if L wants to steal first. L, do you wanna steal?

Yeah, it’s Hugo.

Oh, come on…!

Is it? [win sound] Yes, Hugo. Correct. 200 points.

Steve’s gonna be so disappointed. [laughter]

Okay… L, it’s now your turn to choose a square.

Right. Let’s go with the weird category that I don’t understand, the last one. Let’s do 600.

Okay, Go Doesn’t Equal Golang. So the answer to this is gonna be something Go, but not related to what we do. This 2016 augmented reality game for iOS and Android was downloaded more than 500 million times that year.

What I really loved about that game was all the conspiracy theories around it. It’s better than sci-fi, man… It’s Pokémon Go.

[win sound] Correct. Well done. Clawing some points back. Now all the way up to zero. Well done.

[laughs]

Mr. Bates. Pick a square, sir.

I will take Go Doesn’t Equal Golang for 1,000.

Oh, he’s going big…

Going big.

A line of transforming robot toys produced by Tonka from 1983 to 1987.

What were the GoBots?

[win sound] What were those GoBots. Correct. Well done. Lots of points, look at that.

You guys are really old, right? [laughter]

[30:47] yes. But yes, I used to own GoBots. They were like the really cheap transformers; my mother would buy them at like CVS. They were terrible.

Yeah, don’t lumber me in the geriatric bucket with Mr. Bates, please. [laughter] Kat, it’s time for you to choose a square.

Let’s try Gopherpedia for 200.

Okay, Gopherpedia. Much like mice and rats, gophers are mammals of this order.

What are rodents?

[win sound] Correct!

Oh.

I would have also accepted rodentia.

Really? Gophers are rodents?

Yeah… Have you seen their teeth? They’re like big hamsters.

Yeah… But they’re cute. Rodents are not cute.

Some are, I suppose… Cuteness is in the eyeballs of the beholder, I always say. I don’t always say it…

True.

L, maybe we could get you some points. Pick a square, please.

Let’s do Standard Libraries for 400.

Standard Librarians, for 400. Implements formatted IO with functions analogous to C’s printf and scanf.

[31:58] That is the fmt package.

[win sound] It sure is. Nice one. And you’re off the mark. Speaking of marks… Bates, pick a square, please.

I will take Go Doesn’t Equal Golang for 800, please.

He’s going for the big scores… English duo Wham had a number one hit with this 1980s single jitterbug.

What is “Wake me up before you go go”?

[win sound] [laughter]

I think this section of the game is unfairly beneficial to the geriatric demographic.

Well, they haven’t got long left, have they?

I’m only 44, people!

Exactly.

44 people… Inside you you’re worked by 44 different small people?

In a trench coat.

Yes, in a trench coat. [laughter] There’s 44 small people working on Bates’ body.

Just doing programming, and– [laughter] Nice. That’s grotesque. Okay, it’s Kat’s turn now, I think. Was it just your turn, Mark?

It is.

Okay, Kat. Let’s do it. Maybe get some higher scores.

Yeah… Meh…

Come on, you can do it.

Let’s do GitHub Stars for 600.

Okay. GitHub Stars. The tool for beautiful monitoring and metric analysis and dashboards for Graphite, InfluxDB, Prometheus and more.

What is Grafana?

[win sound] 600 points! Check that out, you’ve just doubled your score. Nice one.

Nice.

Why was it Grafana/Grafana?

That’s the GitHub repo name.

Oh.

Okay, L, time for you to pick a square.

Yeah, let’s stick to the libraries, 600.

Okay, Standard Librarians, 600. It contains operations that step around the type safety of Go programs.

I have an answer, but it might be a bit unsafe…

Ooh… Do you want to say it anyway?

Yeah, I already did. It’s Unsafe.

Okay. Unsafe. Let’s see. [win sound] Correct!

[laughs]

Nice one. You don’t get any extra points for putting it in to a different sentence, unfortunately. I wish we had thought of that.

Meh…

You just get kudos points, and everyone thinks you’re brill, so that’s alright.

But they already do.

Yeah. Oh, they do? Oh. Mr. Bates.

Yeah, I will take Standard Librarians for 800.

Sure will. Wraps an IO reader or IO writer object, creating another object that provides buffering and some help for textural IO.

What is Scanner?

[fail sounds] What package are we looking for? I’m afraid I can’t give you that…

Oh, Bufio…

Kat, would you like to steal?

So we’re looking for a standard library package…

Yeah.

No, I don’t wanna steal, because I’m gonna mess it up. I have an idea, but…

Okay. L?

Well, I’m a big risk-taker, so let’s go with bufio.

Bufio, let’s see… [win sound] Yes…

Thanks, Mark.

That was unfortunate, Mark.

I mentioned it; I said it out loud… [laughter] I still argue that Scanner is actually the thing that wraps those things, but anyway.

That’s true, but it’s package names. Kat, it’s your turn now. Pick a square, please.

I’ll go for – let’s continue the GitHub Stars for 800. Risk it.

Okay, let’s do it. An HTTP web framework written in Go, that features a Martini-like API, with much better performance. What package does that describe?

A package, so this would be the gorilla/mux. What is gorilla/mux?

Good guess. Let’s see. [fail sound] It’s not correct, I’m afraid… L, do you wanna steal this one?

Well, I thought it was the one she said, so now I don’t know.

Okay. So you don’t want to steal?

No.

Okay. Bates, do you wanna give a steal of this one?

No… There are about a bazillion HTTP frameworks out there.

Okay.

[36:14] All based on Martini. [laughs]

The answer was Gin. That’s the one we were looking for.

Oh, yeah…

Okay, no matter. Right. Who’s next? I’ve forgotten.

Ellen, I think…

Right.

Okay, L, yes.

What is Gopherpedia again?

It’s facts about real gophers, that we got from Wikipedia.

Oh… That’s gonna be hard. You know what - I’m gonna stick to the library. Let’s do 200.

Okay. Implements a doubly-linked list.

Oh, [unintelligible 00:36:47.26] Really? I don’t know.

I don’t know either… But it’s one of them, ain’t it? You’re gonna have to guess.

I don’t know, I have no idea.

[fail sound] Okay. Bates, do you want to steal this one?

No…

No. Kat.

Absolutely not.

No…

Why do you put the most difficult one with the lowest number?

Right…?! Like a thousand. This isn’t a two hundred.

Let’s see what the answer is. It’s the container/list.

I literally never heard of this package before.

Oh, I’m sorry.

I’ve never heard of it either.

I’ll just write that down here.

Yeah, thank you.

Okay. Next up. [laughter] Mark, it’s your turn.

I’ll take Go Doesn’t Equal Golang for 400.

Okay, let’s have a look. This computer program acquired by Google plays the board game Go. It’s a computer program acquired by Google, and it plays the board game Go.

Yeah, you say that… Um…

I do say that… That is what I say.

What is Steam? I have no idea.

[fail sound] Incorrect. Kat, would you like to steal this one?

Nope.

There’s a documentary about this on Netflix. Still don’t wanna steal?

I haven’t seen it…

No.

L, wanna steal it?

No, I don’t watch TV, man. I don’t know.

Okay… The answer was AlphaGo, which was DeepMind’s AI that can beat humans now at the game Go. Very cool.

Yeah, humans suck.

Yeah…

Not hard to beat. [laughs]

Kat, would you like to pick a square, please?

Yeah, I will go for – let’s go GitHub Stars, 400.

400, okay. A curated listed of all-inspiring Go frameworks, libraries and software.

What is Awesome Go?

Let’s see… [win sound] 400 points winging their way to you right now.

Nice…

Well done. L, what do you think?

I’ll take the 200.

Okay. Go Doesn’t Equal Golang, for 200. A type of small, four-wheeled vehicle, motorized or not, often used by kids.

It’s a go-kart.

[win sound.

Yay!

Correct. For 200 points. Nice one. Mr. Bates.

Oh, boy…

It’s getting tricky now, ain’t it? Down to the last few squares…

It is, yeah. And everybody’s catching up on me too here. It’s starting to get a bit close. I’m gonna go big. Let’s go GitHub Stars for 1,000.

Okay, let’s have a look. A collaborative project for the container ecosystem to assemble container-based systems.

That should have been a 200.

yeah.

Well, yeah, it depends on the answer… I’m gonna say “What is Moby?”

[win sound] Correct. Well done. I don’t think that was as easy as it seems…

[39:58] Well, because you could have said Docker, which was at one point the correct answer, and then it moved… And that’s why I was like, Moby.

Well, you got it right. Kat, what do you fancy?

Let’s go – do I risk it or do I not? No, let’s go with Gopherpedia for 400.

Gopherpedia, 400. Gophers are known to create a network of these for protection, and a means of collecting food.

I don’t know what the actual term is, but they’re like the underground canals, or tunnels… I don’t know what the name of that is.

Okay, well let’s take your answer “tunnels”, and see if that’s the correct answer. [win sound]

Oh, nice.

Tunnels! Simple as that. See, we’re not here to hurt people and make them feel bad… Unless it’s Mark Bates. L, what’s your choice?

Okay, so if the 200 on the standard library was really hard, then the 1,000 is probably really easy, right?

It stands to reason…

Let’s go with that, yeah.

Let’s see. Implements utility functions to help with black box testing.

Yeah, I don’t know…

Okay. Do you wanna have a–

Mock?

You’re already just kicking it over to me? [laughs]

No, L said Mock.

Oh, Mock? I thought you said Mark.

Yeah…

[fail sound] Incorrect, I’m afraid. Mr. Bates, would you like to steal this one?

Um… No.

Kat, would you like to steal it? I will say it, on this one, I don’t get why this is the description for it. But I did happen to know this one. I didn’t write these questions, by the way… But it’s a tough one.

I’m not gonna steal it, it’s too risky. I have an idea, but… I’m not gonna risk it.

Too many points, exactly.

What was your idea? We won’t do the points, but just say it.

So my idea was just simply Utils, or Util I think it is… But that’s just like a trick question.

It was actually the Quick package. Testing/quick.

Testing/quick, yeah.

Yeah, that’s what it says…

Never heard of it.

It’s a package I can never really get to work the way I expect it to work, to be honest.

Right… [laughter]

Why is it called Quick? Because like quick to test?

Yeah, but it’s really hard to use…

Interesting.

Okay…

Okay. Who’s go is it now? I’m supposed to keep track of this.

I think it’s mine.

Yes, it is. Mr. Bates.

I’m gonna go with Gopherpedia for 600.

Okay, let’s have a look. Pocket gophers get their name from this, their most characteristic feature.

What is a front pouch?

Okay, what is a front pouch… [fail sound] Oh, it’s not correct, I’m afraid. Kat, do you wanna steal this one?

Nope…

Okay… L?

No idea.

Let’s have a look… Large cheek. Pouches.

Oh…

Yeah, that’s right. [unintelligible 00:42:56.21]

Yeah. Okay. Kat, let’s finish this board off…

Well, I’ll just go with 800.

Okay, let’s have a look. Bill Murray plays a mentally unstable groundskeeper who hunts a pesky gopher in this 1980 golf comedy. Do you know this one?

1980s golf comedy… I wasn’t born then. [laughs] I wasn’t born yet.

This is a geriatric quiz.

Films still carry on through time… But you love golf comedies, so I’m surprised you –

Yeah…

You’re always going on about golf comedies.

I don’t know… I suck at movies.

[fail sound] Okay. L, would you like to steal it?

Nah… The only thing I can think about is Groundhog Day, but it’s not that.

Right, yeah. Mr. Bates, you might know this one.

Yes, I do. What is Caddyshack?

[win sound] Yes, you’ve stolen it. Okay. L, it’s your turn for this last one… Goldy Gopher cheers alongside students at this American university.

[44:10] I barely understand the sentence. [laughter]

I think it’s a mascot. There’s a mascot called Goldy Gopher.

Oh…

So what university is it the mascot at.

Am I supposed to say like University of Alabama, or something?

Yeah, you are supposed to say something like that, yeah.

Okay, then let’s do the math… Where is it that there are gophers? I’m guessing it’s like up North…

Pretty good, yeah…

So what’s a Northern university… Is Colorado in the North? There was a GopherCon there. Maybe that’s relevant. I don’t know.

No, that’s out West. That’s [unintelligible 00:44:46.01]

Right… So what’s North? Minnesota is North, but are there gophers? It’s so cold there… I don’t know. University of Michigan? I don’t know.

Well, you need to pick one of those. You have said the right answer, so you just have to pick one of them.

I have? Okay, let’s go with – okay, Alabama is a swamp, so it can’t be there, I think. I’m bad at geography. Colorado could be… And the other two… Okay, let’s go with Colorado. University of Colorado.

Okay. [fail sound] I’m sorry, that’s incorrect. Mr. Bates, do you know this one?

I do not.

Would you like to steal it, take a guess?

Clearly not. [laughter]

Okay. Kat, do you wanna steal it?

If I steal it, do I get minus points for getting it wrong?

Yeah, I’m afraid so.

Oh, I don’t know… I can’t afford it.

Okay. Well, you can go into debt, as L has very clearly demonstrated…

But this is my chance to not go into debt… [laughs]

Okay. Let’s see the answer then, please. The answer is Minnesota.

Gosh darn it.

Yeah, very close. Gosh darn it as well, they say that there. Gosh darn it… That’s how they talk.

That’s their school logo.

[laughs] Goldy Gopher.

“Here’s the University of Minnesota, Gosh darn it!” [laughter]

Well, that’s the end of round two… Let’s check out the scores and see where we get to. Trailing behind with -200 - it’s only L. In second place we’ve got Kat, with 400, but Bates is definitely taking this game… He has 3,100.

He’s a big liar, Bates… Because he promised us he was gonna lose.

Mat’s been texting me the answers on the back. I don’t know if that’s legal or not…

I mean, what’s not legal is that all the questions are geared towards people past a certain, you know, length of existence…

Length of existence… [laughter] Can I help it if Mat asked me to write all the questions for the game show? Oops… Nevermind.

Okay. Well, don’t worry, it’s all still to play for… Maybe.

I feel like there’s a lot of ageism, by the way, happening here. You know, just saying; being attacked.

You mean on part of the people who wrote the questions, right? [laughter]

Yeah, exactly…

Okay, we’re gonna go into our final round… This one’s different. What’s gonna happen is we’re gonna show you a category; here’s the category, it’s Local Host. And there’s gonna be one question. You can bet/wager as much as you like. And actually, to make things a little bit more interesting, we’re gonna add 700 to everyone’s score. So we’re gonna bring L up to 500, and we’re gonna add 700 for Kat, and we’re gonna add 700 for Bates.

And I assume you can only bet up to the amount of points you actually have…

Yeah. So there we go. The category is Local Host. I don’t know what this question even is, so it’s just up to you to take a stab. What do you think? Kat, how much do you wanna wager?

I don’t know… 300? I’ll go for 300.

Okay. L?

All of it.

500. Mr. Bates?

100.

And you’re gonna send your answers privately on Zoom to me. And you’re gonna do that now, while this music plays.

We get a question at least, or just the category?

Good point. Okay… Selling literally dozens of copies, this 2015 book was written by none other than your Go Panic host, Mat Ryer. So that’s me. I didn’t write this question.

This music will help you think.

Wait, what’s going on with the music…?

It’s like an anxiety dream.

I know. That was supposed to help us think, but my anxiety went through the roof.

Yeah… In the beginning it helps you think, and then if you haven’t made your minds up, then it’s just chaos.

I’ll have to double down on my Zoloft after that…

[laughs] I don’t know what that is, but it sounds like it’s good.

It’s medicine.

Okay. So I’m gonna read out the answers then… Or let’s find out what the real answer is. My book is called “Go Programming Blueprints”, and it is available still.

I almost got it…!

So Mark, you said “Go Programming Blue prints.” Blue and print is two words, but that’s fine; you can still have it.

Thank you. You’re too kind.

Kat –

I thought you had five different variations… [laughs]

You got it right, “Go Programming Blueprints.” And L, you said “Go Design Patterns”, which is –

I mean, it’s the same idea…

Yeah, but it is…

It is not. [laughs]

…a different title. Yeah. So L, you’re down to zero, I’m afraid… Kat, that paid off for you. You have 1,400. But the winner of the Raspberry Pi 400, with 4,000 points - it’s Mr. Mark Bates.

[52:26] Thank you, thank you. Thank you very much.

Oh, he’s such an annoying winner…

So Mark, what are you gonna do with the prize?

Yeah, what are you gonna do with the Raspberry Pi 400?

I don’t know, I’m gonna have to get a monitor, I guess, to go with it… [laughs]

A server for electricity.

And electricity, and the key caps… I’m very excited. Very excited.

Yeah. But it’s cool.

Also a mouse.

And a mouse…

Yeah. Unless you just use Vim. Maybe you could just use Vim on it and have it read out… You know what I mean? Like, make it speak to you instead. I don’t know. Would that work?

Just read code. Yeah, that always works so well…

Yeah. It’d be fun though, wouldn’t it? Did you have a good time during the quiz then?

It was fun. I was hoping there’d be more questions. Weren’t there more questions in the final round?

Yeah, we’re running out of time unfortunately, so that’s just the way it is…

[53:41] I was expecting to be able to make fun of Mat, but he wasn’t playing, so that didn’t work out…

It’s hard to make fun of me, mate.

No, it’s not.

That’s not true at all…

Go on, then. Let’s do a quick insult.

It’d be so fun if Mat was playing and we had a question about the book that Mat Ryer wrote, and you got it wrong… That’d be so funny. [laughter]

Mat, next time might I recommend renting some chest hair for under your shirt, if you’re gonna open it up that much…

Oh, it’s not open far, is it? Would you rather like that, like some Puritan?

Well, far enough to know that you need to rent chest hair next time…

[laughs] Where do you rent chest hair from?

I don’t know…

The wig shop?

…the Burt Reynolds Museum? [laughter]

Can you just use a wig? Surely it has to be dedicated. You can’t just do that…

Well, you know how some men just get the patch; you can get a patch of hair for the top and just glue it here.

Yeah. If I’m going to a wig shop, I’m gonna wear a wig.

Why don’t you have them do you top to bottom? I mean… [laughter]

Yeah. [unintelligible 00:54:31.15]

Just go in there and say “I want the works. Top to bottom, I want hair.”

Yeah. I’d love that. And then they’d just set to work with the Pritt stick, sticking it all on.

Exactly. It’ll be like that scene in Wizard of Oz, where they’re buffin’ up the Tin Man, and they’re stuffin’ the Scarecrow with [unintelligible 00:54:51.28] and everything.

Yeah. I’d love that, mate. I’d love that. I’d be a sort of character… But not, I have a receding – but I like to say what I like in hair, I more than make up for it in forehead. [laughter]

That is true.

I see people, like – L, you’ve got loads of hair. Bates, you’ve got loads. So have you, Kat. And I feel like we should have some socialism, like your hairs should be taxed. People that just have loads of hair - that should be taxed, and then I get some. Do you know what I mean? Because it’s not fair. What do you think?

I’ll send you some in the Post, next time I cut my hair.

But then is it only for hair on your head, or is it hair general?

Gotta go… [laughter]

Yes, we’re not gonna answer that one…

We’re on the verge of a COC violation there.

Mm-hm. I’m pleased you didn’t pronounce that, Mark, like you normally do.

Well, on the plus side, Mat, think of all the shampoo money that you get to save on.

I’m absolutely loaded because I don’t need any shampoo.

I bet you are.

I just use a tiny bit.

Yeah, but he has to double down on the Turtle Wax to keep that thing shiny…

Yeah. And that’s more expensive, so I am net down, basically, in the end, once I do my books at the end of the month… [laughter] I find that I’ve wasted it. Yeah, I don’t know…

[56:19] Well, that’s why I like the Go community, because it’s so all-accepting, and everyone’s welcoming, and things… So it’s okay if you do have a forehead like this; or as my cousin called it, a fivehead.

Or if you’re incredibly old and geriatric, like I am…

But you do get good quizzes if you’ve been around longer. You do get good at quizzes, don’t you?

Yeah, you do.

Some of the questions I think I agree… I think we need some more diversity on the question panel of who writes the questions.

I was part of a pop quiz team once, and the questions were all like “Who won the tennis championship in 1976?” and I was like “Dude, my mom is too young to know that.” [laughter]

Yeah, but the information is available after that though… You know what I mean?

You don’t have to have lived through it, yeah.

Yeah. Because I do Beatles questions sometimes. I get them right, because –

He just sits around the house and asks himself Beatles questions [unintelligible 00:57:19.13] [laughter]

That’s how you practice.

It sounds like a fun hobby.

But what I mean is – you know, I think John Lennon had died before I was even born, but… Yeah, you can still learn the information.

Rest in peace, John Lennon.

But are you all that young, really? Am I the only person who was alive when John Lennon was killed?

Yeah…

I hate you all. Is this show over yet? I’ve gotta go yell at the sky and tell some people to get off my lawn. [laughter]

You have a lawn? Wow.

I do. And I do yell at the neighbor kids for not shutting the gate to my backyard all the time.

Why are they even in your backgarden? That’s the worrying thing.

Because we have the nicest yard in the neighborhood. It’s big and it’s flat… We live in a city, so you can play soccer in my backyard. It’s a nice, big field, so…

Right… Nice.

But we also have a dog that escapes, so the dog gets out if they don’t shut the gate. I am Grumpy Old Man Bates. “Shut the damn gate…!!”

Your name, to me, Mark, sounds like an incomplete sentence. I feel like there should be more to it. It’s like a cliffhanger. “Mark Bates… What?! What does he bate?” I just always wanna know. Cliffhanger name.

Thanks. Yeah… Of all the things you can make fun of my name for, that was probably the worst.

Yeah, yeah. Well, I’d rather be original than obvious… You know, as one of the proverbs says.

Well, the good news is you’re neither.

Is that good news? It doesn’t feel like good news. It hurts my tummy when you tell me that.

Fair enough. [laughter] A grumble in the bumble. Are we still doing a show?

We’re still doing it, but we’re about to finish. I’m just kind of – we’re hanging out, and then our time’s about to… We’re gonna be told momentarily that we’re off… But we’re not, we’re still on air. This is the sort of post-show hangout.

You know, this is kind of what’s lacking in online conferences, usually. It’s like that time after the serious stuff is done, when we just make fun of each other’s names and foreheads… That’s what it’s all about. [laughter]

The corridor hangs…

Yeah…

Or the late-night hotel room hangs…

Yeah… The late-night whiskeys.

It’s hard to remember those though…

It’s true, but I do so enjoy them. I’m missing all of you at the conference; I’m missing everybody.

Yeah.

It’s been a tough year… I think I can speak for everybody - we all have friends at these conferences, and you get to see everybody… I really miss it.

That’s true, that’s true.

It was nice to take a break from the traveling for a while. And it’s like “Oh yeah, it’s nice. I can rest.”

Oh, I don’t miss the travel. I’m 100% with you on that.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So the travel is not what you miss, but you do miss – I don’t even miss the talks that much, because the talks you can watch online anyway. But I just miss the genuine bumping into people on the corridor, seeing people that you normally don’t see, and you only see them at conferences…

Well, hopefully next year is the time for it. I will have to say, thank you so much for joining Go Panic, this crazy quiz… Thank you very much to Kat, L and Mark, and we’ll see you next time.